An Alphabetical Tour of The Vauxhall Conference.
No18 Newport County
There’s a quiz question that is often used around pubs and clubs which is to ask what the five cities in Wales are. The answer, for those of you interested in such things is Cardiff, Swansea, St David’s, Bangor and Rhyl. There’s another, older, quiz question which one was asked what the four Football League clubs in Wales were, to which the traditional answer was Wrexham, Swansea, Cardiff and Chester. The quiz question was ruined in 1972 when Hereffordd were elected to the FL from the League of Wales and then with the advent of promotion to and from the league, such questions became difficult to check, especially when clubs like Merthyr looked like getting into the League and clubs like Wrexham inexplicably fell out of it. There had been other football teams from Wales, like Aberdare Athletic, in the olden days and from time to time a Welsh team would win the FAW Cup if Kiddy or Walsall couldn’t be arsed with it and go on a “European Cup Winners’ Cup run. Legend tells of teams that played against crack East German binocular factory workers’ teams or Bulgarian Knitting Circle teams in European preliminary qualifiers, but details are sketchy, it was a long time ago and the only photographs are in black and white. The main question arising from this, of course, is why East European football teams in 1960s and 1970s boys’ comics were always described as “crack”. You know the sort of thing – Roy Race describing Melchester’s upcoming opponents in the European Cup, FC Doppelganger, as a crack East German outfit. I suppose it makes a difference when you’re from Cambridge and are used to seeing your side described as “crap”.
But what, I hear you ask, has this to do with Newport County?
Newport is the capital and most important city in Rhode Island. Founded in 1639, it is known as the sailing capital of the world. Newport is most famous for Cows Week, where, research reveals, there is some kind of boat race around the Island in boats crewed by people dressed up as pantomime cows. Obviously this is done in order to level the playing field so that people like Douglas MacArthur and Francis Chichester don’t win every year. Newport also has a football team and is one of two clubs playing in the top five divisions to play on an island. Newport was also the setting for the Hollywood films “Me Myself and Irene”, “Blade Runner” and “Confessions of a Window Cleaner”
Newport County FC were founded in 1990 and were originally called Moreton In The (Rodney) Marsh Rangers. This is because they started life as a franchise operation in the Cotswold village of Bourton On The Water. Initially starting in the Hellenic league, their first game was a 14-0 defeat at the hands of (then) local rivals Nailsworth United although things soon improved. Rangers’s name and location was a bit of a mouthful and anyone attempting the “Give Us an “M”” chant was immediately expelled from the ground for life which left them with just two supporters – Old Isaiah and his sheepdog, Jess. At this point in their history, Rangers were one of a select few clubs with brackets in their name, although this would soon change. Rangers won the Hellenic League in their inaugural season and were then admitted to the League of Wales structure after completing a move from Bourton to the English fishing village of Casnewydd, renaming themselves Casnewydd In The (Mardy) Fish United. However, certain people objected to an essentially English based English franchise club in the LoW set up (Despite its name, Casnewydd is actually in England) and after two years the club was forced to leave the village after Welsh separatists burned the ground down. Graffiti left on the bog walls at the smouldering ground read “Ffestiniogg” which be Welsh for “Bugger off”. So the club moved again, this time to Cirencester and changed its name again to the Gloucester Gladiators. The newly christened “Triplanes” joined the English Southern Pub League. However, just two years later the club moved again, this time to the Isle of Wight and were renamed (yet again) Newport County and changed their colours to yellow and blue, traditionally the most unsuccessful combination of football colours. Since then they have settled in at their tidy little St Georges Park ground and made steady progress up the pyramid culminating in last season’s beasting of the Vauxhall Conference South where they finished 48 points ahead of second placed FC Douvres and beat every other club in the division by 4 clear goals or more. Newport’s first ever season in the Vauxhall Conference has been a success, despite firing manager David Holdsworth, with the club finding mid-table respectability.
Having had a largely nomadic existence around the lower leagues until now, no-one remotely famous has ever been associated with the club although Ted Heath was know to cheer on “The Port” whenever he was sailing around the island.
So. There you have it. Newport. Nomadic but not in the least bit Welch.
Next: Rushden
